#5: Prose Benchmark Essay & Reflection

Prompt:

The following interchange, excerpted from an 1852 novel by Nathaniel Hawthorne, occurs when two characters who have been living on the Blithedale farm--a community designed to promote an ideal of equality achieved through communal rural living--are about to part ways. Read the passage carefully. In a well-written essay, analyze how Hawthorne portrays the narrator's Zenobia through the use of literary techniques.


Essay:

In Nathaniel Hawthorne's novel from 1852, he recounts an exchange of departure between the narrator and Zenobia. In his luxurious imagery of the setting, Hawthorne builds his characters' attitudes through his descriptive diction. By intensely interplaying their reaction, he exemplifies the great emotional distance between them.

Hawthorne's depiction of light in abundance around the room shapes the narrator's mesmerized attitude toward Zenobia as they begin their exchange. Prior to speaking, the narrator indulges in recounting her physical beauty, but Hawthorne's tense diction illustrates the narrator's shame in having such an indulgence. The imagery of lamps surrounding the room mirror the narrator's intensity in this moment--like a bulb burning with brightness, Hawthorne casts the narrator to be burning as well, so trapped within the idea of Zenobia's beauty and complexity, yet so bothered for such feelings, he could burst and shatter his remnants across the floor.

At once mesmerized by Zenobia's beauty, there is a blatant transition in tone when the narrator states "the next instant, she was too powerful for all [his] opposing struggles." (l.30). The concise length of this sentence dilutes Hawthorne's previous descriptive and lengthy diction suggesting a shift in focus and mindset for the narrator. The narrator unravels his irritated attitude towards Zenobia as he compares her to an illusion "which a great actress flings around her." (l.39). He had discarded his potential lust for Zenobia, replacing those feelings with disgust as Zenobia recount their time together in Blithedale to be an insignificant item of the past. this exchange threatens the narrator, his humiliation at her words are transcended into anger and aggression. Hawthorne utilizes anaphora in the narrator's inner dialogue suggesting Zenobia should offer him "some nature, some passion." (l.42). Hawthorne's repetition displays the narrator's attitude of frustration as his conversation with Zenobia has left him depleted.

The narrator's anger translates into a quest for fulfillment in this moment with Zenobia, aggressively taunting her with a comparison to Hollingsworth. This exchange ignites a shock through Zenobia--the attitude of the narrator shifting to satisfaction as he relaxes in her defeat. Hawthorne returns to the imagery of light in this scene, contrasted to its previous description, Hawthorne depicts the light as a flame, suddenly alive within Zenobia as though it had never been able to freely burn. The narrator's satisfaction of this allows Hawthorne to suggest his attitude will return to guilt.




Reflection:

Based on the prompt, I was asked to analyze how the author Nathaniel Hawthorne conveyed the narrator's attitude towards the character Zenobia in an excerpt from his novel. The prompt itself was challenging due to its length, and I believe that while I understood the piece, I missed a key notion regarding the separation of social classes between the narrator and Zenobia. Despite this, I believe I achieved an analysis in other ways, mentioning the element of shame the narrator exemplifies--while also mentioning the themes of light in both the beginning and the end. For this essay, I believe my score is a 5.5/6, scored according to the information in the AP Lit scoring guidelines. While I do demonstrate a deeper analysis of the imagery in the excerpt, it "may be marred by surface errors," which is technical of a 5 essay, but it may show insight through my depiction of the narrator's tone through the tension that is acquired through the dialogue and description by the narrator.  I also need to expand more on elements of complexity, noting specific choices in words like "exorcise" and "actress" -- being able to note specific, bold statements that can cause a shift in the piece. I also need to work on the connections and development I make in my essays. while my points are valid and thorough and my diction may be unique, connecting them together and lacing it into a deeper, more intricate analysis is where I have struggled.

After meeting with Ms. Wilson, her score of a 6 was chosen due to the complexity I articulated in the mentions of the characters' departure, and the shame that is illustrated within the poem. She suggested I must include more context in my references to scenes/my analysis of a particular moment. In order to benefit in the future, I need to revisit the depths of knowledge levels, the three-sentence thesis (as it was very weak and rushed in this essay), and the shifts because they greatly guided how i formatted my essay. Alongside that, I want to review aspects from 5 Steps and also read sample 8/9 essays to understand the guidelines towards which I should aim.